A Little Funny ~ Jan 18th

A very dear girfriend sent this to me,
I got such a kick out of it!!
Thought I would share!!

In Memory Of Jodi on her Birthday ~ Jan. 15th

How does a mother begin to try to explain to all who visit my blog who my daughter Jodi was, and to share with you who she grew to become. She should be here with us all enjoying the passion of life! I grieve daily for the loss of my daughter, often behind a mask of false smiles and false words "I'm doing just great." Why did she die?? What purpose is it on this planet that a parent has to bury their child? Always searching for meaning as to why this had to happen, knowing there is never going to be an answer.

You would have all liked Jodi. Her mischievous sense of humor, her love for life, her ability to touch people, her ability to conquer the obstacles in her life medical or otherwise, her strength, her independence, her compassion, her readiness to help her friends, her infectious laugh that could make you smile even when you were sad. I especially remember her human concerns and how she met individuals and made them feel significant, AND her hugs, she gave the best hugs. After she died I received a letter from a women who's husband Jodi had treated, he had since passed away, but she wrote how much one of Jodi's hugs could help him through the day. I received another letter from a friend that said, "one of Jodi's hugs could last you a week." My dearest Jodi, how I miss your laugh, your hugs, your perfume, your voice.

After Jodi died I lived at the cemetery from morning until well into the night. I would read, walk, sleep, lay on her grave, journal, and did I say howl. I howled so loud. I wrote this poem as if my living daughter was telling the story...the opening stanza I had read someplace and then I wrote the rest.

There is a sound that if you are very lucky in your life you will never hear, and luckier still if you never have a reason to make it, It’s the howling, the howling. The best actor in the world could never recreate it, For you actually have to feel it-you can not fake it, It’s the howling, the howling. I first heard it late one afternoon in July, My father told my mother Jodi had died, It was the howling, the howling. In the funeral parlor, I heard it again, Their child, lye in a casket, It’s the howling, the howling. It came again in New York, Time to say good-bye, To never see her human form again, Please god no, It’s the howling, the howling. The cemetery, blue skies turn gray, A soft rain, angels crying? Crying with our family, And I heard it again, It’s the howling, the howling. Christmas now, months later still, Las Vegas, someplace away from tradition, Trying to forget, but we can’t, I hear my mother, It’s the howling, the howling. Ten years now lost to the wind, 120 months slipped through our lives, And how many nights I can still hear it, It’s the howling, the howling. This is not a sound from your throat, It comes from the hollows of your tormented soul, May you never hear it….…..the howling, the howling.

After so many years, I do know I am healing. I do not see things in shades of gray any longer, my days are now spotted with color, not all of them but a good many of them. I do not wish to share all my "inner" grief with others, I really do not feel anyone truly knows how I personally feel. I do not want to share my grief with others also because I do not want "you" to take that piece of grief away from me, because sometimes I think that piece of grief that I still hold in my heart and soul is gone, I may begin to forget Jodi. I need that piece of grief to stay with me.

I try to understand my inner grief and give it less power to dictate my life as I have healed. I needed to own that wounded part of me. I also needed to learn to have a balance because I couldn't live in those feelings. I know Jodi would want me to be a functional person again.

Some people seem to think that grief is something that is bad, something that we need to recover from, how many people said to me, you need to get over it, let go and move on. Or they would say, I know how you feel I had a aunt die, all well meaning, but not words I chose to hear! I disagree that grief is a bad thing, It is true that grief is difficult and painful, but that does not mean that it is "bad" or that it is something that I should avoid or get through as quickly as possible. Grief is a necessary part of human life, an essential emotion. If I were to try to live without grief, my very humanity would be truncated, and my growth as moral and spiritual being would be stunted. My grief was/is essential. My grief is as much a part of love! I think if I did not grieve I would not have loved.

I feel cheated that Jodi was taken away from me so young. I was cheated out of the loss of her future, out of the dreams I wanted to see her accomplish, out of the grandchildren I will never know, the door of her future was closed and only sadness, tears, emptiness, and broken dreams remained.

Yet, I must look back and be grateful that I had Jodi in my life for 27 years. She was only granted a piece of life, I do appreciate what I am now without. I give thanks for the beautiful girl that I called my daughter, and my friend. I cherish my last time with Jodi and the memories that we made (tattoo and all). I cherish that she became my friend, besides my daughter. The beautiful, the caring, the irreplaceable Jodi, who's beauty both external and internal will never be extinguished from any of our minds.

In closing I must share this with you. Jodi loved the poem "Footprints" and when I was packing her things I came across many copies of the poem and a needlepoint that she was working. On Jodi's bed side table there was a book called "Gentle Reminders, and Daily Affirmations. I sat down on her bed and opened the book to July 22nd, the day Jodi died. This is the verse I found, "Lives of great people remind us, we can make our lives sublime, and in departing leave behind footprints on the sands of time, I want to leave footprints of love."

I think that Jodi touched all that she met in some way, and that she did truly left behind for us - "footprints of love".

Happy Birthday Jodi, and I hope you are dancing with the angels!! I will carry you in my heart forever until my last breath is silenced, then I hope to join you on what ever plane you roam on ..... love you always baby girl ...

Here are some pictures of my beautiful baby girl ...
FOUR MONTHS OLD




BIG SISTER GENA AND JODI ...

LOOK AT ALL MY CANDY GRANDPA!!

JODI AND HER BIG SISTER GENA

LOVE THOSE PIG-TAILS

JODI AND HER HOME MADE DOLLS


JODI AND TIPPER GORE


JODI AND THE LOVE OF HER LIFE




JODI BEING SILLY



JODI BEING SERIOUS




MY JODI ANGEL ...

FOREVER JODI

COLD ~ Jan. 14th

It is soooo cold here in the Northeast that even my kitty is dressed for the cold front!! STAY WARM!!

Tuesday Jan 13th ~ Don't Count Me Out Yet!

As it says in the heading ... Don't count me out yet!! It has been a very stressful two weeks, lots of OT at work and when I get home all I want is a glass of wine and my pillow! LOL So just to hold you over until I get a wee bit more time I thought I would post a few pictures I took in ireland ... you know me ... love all that is irish ... even my hubb-muffin ... OH that's right he's Polish!

This is lovely Adare,reputed to be the prettiest village in Ireland, the enchanting land of thatched and whitewashed cottages.


Onto Dingle Peninsula, where the sheep are the only road blocks and the land is some of the prettiest you will ever see!! My favorite place in the world!!

Beautiful land ...






This photo is not retouched, we came upon the old castle and the sky was amazing! You can click on Pics to zoom in as I took them with high resolution.



These pictures were taken during christmas ... look how green things still are, that is why they call Ireland the 40 shades of green!












OK This is Inch Beach, also untouched photo, exactly how it looked! Wonderful!

Another fotgotten mini-castle.















This is The Rock of Cashel, also know as Cashel of the Kings and St. Patrick's Rock. The Rock of Cashel served as the traditional seat of the Kings of Munster for several hundred years. The majority of buildings on the current site date from the 12th and 13th centuries. It is very impressive and a must see if you go to Ireland. This picture does not do it justice!



If you ever watched BallyKiss Angel on your PBS station you will remember this place, it is the town oa Avoca where they filmed the production and Fitzgeralds Pub was the main haunt!


Here is the little town




Another favorite place is the Wiclow Mts. This Glendalough, and home to a 10th century Round Tower. I was humbled by the history.

OK ONE MORE!! I KNOW I can hear you all ENOUGH ALREADY!! LOL Sometime I will do a Blog just on Dublin, these pics only give you a wee bit of what Ireland is like. I leave you at sunset on a mountain top cemetery with a full moon shinning down on us (peeking through the celtic cross.)

Child Wisdom - Jan. 8th

I already knew I was dumber than the fifth graders, now it's the preschoolers turn!!??

A PRE-SCHOOL TEST FOR YOU:

Which way is the bus below traveling?
To the left or to the right?

Can't make up your mind?
Look carefully at the picture again.

Still don't know?

Pre-schoolers all over the United States
were shown this picture asked the same question.
90% of the pre-schooler's gave this answer.
'The bus is traveling to the left.'


When asked, 'Why do you think the bus is traveling to the left?'

They answered:

'Because you can't see the door to get on the bus.'

How do you feel now ???
I know, me too.

STRESS!!!!! Jan 5th

OK, today is not going to be “Pretty Picture” posting day!!

Did you ever have one of those days that by the end you could rip off a canaries head with your teeth?? Well today was one of them! I do not often feel stress to this magnitude but today it seemed no matter which way I faced there was an asshole there!! I do not want to go too much into details since a few of those derrières may read this post … no Pat it is not you!

It is the type of day when you can feel the tension in your neck and your back … they type of day when you TRY SO HARD TO REMEMBER THAT STRESS MANAGEMENT CLASS you took ….how are you handling conflict? … NOT FREAKING WELL …are you at risk of job burnout? …YES today I am!!!! …how happy are you on a scale of 1-10? … GIVE me the freakin scale and I’ll show you!!!

I took so many deep breaths today to calm down that I just about passed out from oxygen deprivation!

So I looked up some ways to treat stress on the net and found some clever ideas … so tomorrow I may just try a few of these!

I could learn to smile, talk about what stresses me, keep a journal and write about your feelings, Read a book that interests me…

… OR I COULD ……
Drive to work in reverse…Dance naked in front of my cats … Make a list of things I’ve already done … Bill my doctor for the time I spent in his waiting room … When someone says "Have a nice day!" tell them you have other plans … Jam tiny marshmallows up my nose and try to sneeze them out … Start a nasty rumor and see if you recognize it when it gets back to you … Thumb through the National Geographic and draw underwear on the natives …Get a box of condoms then wait in line at the checkout counter and ask a cashier where the fitting rooms are … Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to "10" … Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit … Put M&M's on layaway … When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?" … Get boxes of condoms and randomly put them in peoples carts when they don't realize it … Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out …

I am not sure what I will do to vent … I will let you know which form of stress relief I used !! Right now I need to find that dam bottle of wine!! Thanks for letting me vent!!

New York City ~ Jan 4

We were off to Times Square and to see the tree. Some of the old mosaics still can be found in many of the stations (click on pic to get a close up). Here is the hub-muffin waiting for a train, it was very quiet for christmas eve. The city is just amazing, deversity is all around you, the excitment, the people, the lights, etc.The we came upon these wonderful decorations. div>
>>>

Then onto Radio City Music Hall where everyone has been once or wants to go once. We have a family friend that was a Rockette, as glam as it looks these girls work grueling hours.

Then ONTO the tree In Rockfellar Center.








More to come ............